Ready, Get Set, Go

by

Varalakshmi Anand Kumar

Every artiste knows that preparation for a concert is almost as stressful as the concert itself. It's not just a question of being fit to sit in stage, a process which takes years of practice (of course , the microwave civilization of these days ensures that the trip from sa ri ga ma to stage is effectuated in less than a year), but the actual moments of getting prepared to leave the house and mount the sabha halls call for tension filled moments when the artiste hopes he has not missed out anything vital. In the case of an "up-coming artiste' it is all the more painful. His inexperience naturally gives rise to a lot of fumbling and fiddling with the odds and ends that make up his 'cutcheri kit'. This, added to the fact that, as an 'up-coming artiste', he has to give himself a few airs to get noticed well enough to be considered for a next chance.

There is of course some vital baggage that he carries with him. Like:

Ø Tambura
Ø Tambura artiste (if it happens to be a wife)
Ø Flask
Ø Hot water (steam actually visible)
Ø Note book (usually in plural), otherwise, masses and masses of written sheets
Ø Bio-data and photos (one overflowing bag will do)
Ø Strepsils (cloves do just as well)
Ø Handkerchief (for wiping away perspiration)
Ø Hand towel (on which to slap the hand while performing the 'thala operation'
And the list goes on………..

Among these vital accessories, there may be others that the vocalist can think of that will make the stay on the platform less uncomfortable. A few…..

Ø Cotton wool - presumably for protection against the Margazhi air, but actually protecting his ear drums from the assaults of the accompanist.
Ø A tooth whitener - to create a better impression when smiling at VIPs in front
Ø Digital diary - to display, the lists of 'spontaneous' kanakkus and 'on the spot' swaras that he has been by-hearting for the past two months but still forgets from time to time
Ø A pair of dark glasses - too bad that he seems to have the 'Madras Eye' - but actually to prevent the audience from seeing him glare at the violinist when the latter makes a mistake
Ø Wall clock (on the wrist) - a 'fashion' he says, but in effect, to display the time so clearly that the violinist knows when he is overstepping the time limit in his solos
Ø Iodex - to nurse hid injured limbs after acrobatic display (especially when touching the higher notes)
Ø Gong - to wake up the sleeping member at the back
Ø A pair of spectacles - specially constructed to give double vision - Makes the artiste see double the number of rasikas present, thus boosting his morale at the 'large' audience turnout
Ø Automatic de amplifier - to muffle out the apaswarams
Ø Automatic 'clappometer' - that is switched on when the audience remains meaningfully silent after an item
Ø One 'clap-boy' - to discreetly activate the above
Ø Automatic 'thalometer' to help him keep him correct beat at the tani avarthanam (of course, for his own renderings)
Ø Sruti malika tambura - that fluctuates pitch faithfully according to the vocalist's fluctuations
Ø A posse of young cousins - to queue up and look like autograph hunters at the end
Ø A battery of reputed vidwans - whose presence raises his value a hundred fold

And finally………
Ø A strong mix of cement and fevicol - to plant him back to earth after his performance